“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”*
Forever ago, in a primary school moment, I found myself all alone without friends and with a young, disappointed heart. I was sitting by myself in a bathroom cubicle during break-time because my ‘friends’ had decided that a friendship of three doesn’t work and I got the third-wheel vote.
I felt like they had overlooked me with such a simple decision of exclusion. But exclusion is never simple – it truly is an arrow to the heart. School can be brutal in this regard and I know, as you are reading this, you have at least one similar incident that you can recall without effort.
Friendships didn’t get much easier for me after that and even now, as an adult, there are times I am left disappointed by a friend’s responses and actions. Because of this I have at times guarded my heart in my expectations toward friends and pulled back to what feels like a safe distance. I am not sure that this is what the scripture means when it tells us to ‘guard our hearts’.
In a series I was watching, a lady moves from the city to a small town with breathtaking scenery. She moves into a cabin right by a lake, no one else in sight. My first thought was: “Now that looks like a great way to live.” My second thought was: “Is that safe, maybe a fence of some sort can help?” But then that spoils the whole idea of a cabin by a lake.
“There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable.” – CS Lewis
A friendship in which both people see and recognize the other person’s beauty is a gift. Friends that know you so well that words are not necessary. Friends that can sit in silence with you or dance like crazy people with you. That can hold your pain, celebrate your victories, give honest advice and still crack a joke in a serious moment. There is no doubt that we need friends.
But how then do we do friendship with a vulnerable heart and a guarded heart?
I believe we have to choose to live our lives with open hearts in our friendships,
a cabin by a beautiful lake without an ugly fence.
I believe that at times it’s our reactions that need guarding.
I believe that when we have built a friendship in trust and that trust gets broken, which it will at times, because no one is perfect, then the guarded steps up:
it is for you and me to
guard our hearts when disappointment enters
so that it doesn’t lead to anger
that embraces bitterness
it is for you and me to
guard against a heart that
becomes heavy
in thoughts and feelings
it is for you and me to be
steady with our words
which can break down and hurt
because we have been hurt
it is for you and me to
forgive
forgiveness is the light that
guards our hearts
against darkness
The guarding is not to keep everything out, it is to keep out the things that will steal and destroy the beauty of your heart. To uproot the darkness of hurts that have taken hold.
I believe that if we walk with Jesus, He gives us wisdom to look after our hearts and not miss out on the beauty of friendship and life.
My Prayer
I pray for your life to be rich in friendship, for courage to be vulnerable, and for wisdom together with forgiveness, to shine a light and guard against your heart becoming dark when disappointed. Keep your eyes on Him always.
Thank you for very thoughtful meditating on difference between vulnerable and guarded heart. As I once read "it is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all"
Love and pain cannot be seperated, but, the beauty of love always overcomes